by Dr. Kenneth Love
My wife is one of those rare and truly blessed people who is a 5’3″, 125-130 (max) package who NEVER gains an ounce of weight. She can go in and cook a 5-course meal at 11:30 p.m. (I HATE when she does this!), eat it while giving me a smirky smile, and never gain a lingering pound. I, on the other hand, must constantly work out while always watching my diet. And, as you might imagine, hater-ism often rears its ugly head against my wishes as it is VERY difficult to ignore the smell of pork chops frying in the kitchen.
But last night, against my repeated begging request, she ordered Pizza Hut’s Super Supreme. She LOOOOOOVES Jalapeno peppers on pizzas and the entire damn thing was not only COVERED with them, but SOAKED in them! A strong word of caution…NEVER, I mean NEVER, under ANY circumstances, eat Jalapeno peppers late at night, especially after 10:00 p.m., followed by a big bowl of Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla ice cream intended to cool down your innards that are now on a 3-alarm fire.
After eating this stuff, my gut was on such fire, it felt like a bunch of campers got together in my stomach and all decided to light their gas-drenched campfires at the same time. Like what a 103-degree summer day and a 12-degree below zero winter day must feel like…all at the same time.
And with that, I’ll leave you to your own imagination of the aftermath that ensued…just know that I won’t be mixing this dangerous food combination EVER again!
In the words of the late great literary writer himself, William Shakespeare…”Alka Seltzer, Alka Seltzer…wherefore goeth thou?”
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